


Yuri On Beanstalk

by Krystolla



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Fairy Tale Retellings, M/M, No Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-11
Updated: 2017-08-11
Packaged: 2018-12-14 06:35:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11777484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Krystolla/pseuds/Krystolla
Summary: What if fairy tales are just gossip that got out of hand?





	Yuri On Beanstalk

“You aren't what I expected,” Seung Gil said as he sat down. He'd been tracking the lead on this story for weeks and now that he had the participants in front of him he was . . . underwhelmed.

The objectively beautiful silver haired man in front of him smiled brightly, leaning forward in his seat. “Excellent! I live to surprise people!” The smile was blinding in a professional, practiced way. Deployed for shockwave effect. Seung Gil, experienced journalist, was unmoved.

“Victor, stop teasing the man.” The other interview subject interjected. As handsome as his husband in a darker, more demure way, Yuuri snagged Victor's arm and pulled him back into the love seat, easily leaning into the taller man and draping the arm around his shoulders. Victor settled back with a softer smile on his face. “Let me guess,” Yuuri continued, “you were expecting someone taller? Like . . . giant?”

Seung Gil tried for a placating smile, his face felt stiff. The cozy little cottage that housed his interview subjects was starting to feel claustrophobic. “I did, in fact . . . “

The pair in front of him laughed. “You have to understand my mother is 4 foot 8 inches” was Yuuri's explanation.

“And your father is not much bigger.” Victor continued, sharing a playful grin. “Yuuri is tall for his family but . . . “

“But not as ridiculously tall as you.” They were finishing each others sentences. It was . . . sweet. “Once the story started getting passed around Victor's 6ish feet became 60 feet. It got a little out of control.” 

Seung Gil didn't sigh, even if his story was drying up in front of him. He was an experienced journalist and was proud to represent his news organization. His editor, Morooka, would not be pleased if nothing could be salvaged from this trip.“Is there no truth in the story then? No castle in the clouds, magic beans, or golden goose?” 

“No castle in the sky accessible only by beanstalk.” Victor snickered, “It turns out that leaving a description of where you are going with someone inebriated is inadvisable.”

Yuuri blushed vividly. “I was in a hurry!” He smacked Victor lightly on the chest, before facing Seung Gil once more. “Minako, I used to bartend for her, mistook 'going up north' with 'going up'. As in straight up.” He rolled his eyes. 

Victor hummed, placing one slender finger on his lower lip. “You should tell him about the Magic Beans, Yuuri.”

“Ah,” Yuuri covered his eyes with one graceful hand, before launching into the story. “I was late for work because my dog had died recently and I did one of those stupid things where you forget and carry on with some routine that doesn't make sense anymore. I had just refilled Vicchan's water dish and jingled his leash to get him to come for the walk to work, but of course he wasn't there and when I remembered . . . “ 

Victor stroked Yuuri's hair as if he could ease that long ago distress. Yuuri grabbed Victor's free hand in both of his before continuing.

“Anyway, I was late. When I got there, the place was empty except for Minako and she was mumbling something about all her problems being solved now that she had the magic beans. I knew the bar was having some financial trouble, so an empty bottle of the latest sake sample and a sprawled Minako was not reassuring. The sake had a much higher than normal alcohol content and we are not using that supplier again. Also the cash box was nearly empty. I thought some scam artist had taken advantage of Minako when she wasn't in condition to defend herself, which wouldn't have happened if I'd been on time.”

“But the beans . . . “ Victor whined melodically. Seung Gil considered that Victor was better at prying stories from Yuuri than even an experienced journalist. The advantage of a close relationship, perhaps.

Yuuri sighed, “The 'magic beans' were coffee beans that had just arrived. Minako wanted to start a lunch shift with coffee and sandwiches. The supply had taken ages to arrive, so when it finally did she wanted to celebrate.” He paused, looking at the handwoven red and white rug underfoot. “She might also have thought the coffee would cure the hangover.”

Victor glanced at Seung Gil, mirth and affection sparkling in his eyes. “But my poor Yuuri didn't know any of that at the time. He is a treasure and a hero, so he immediately set out the vanquish the evil villain and save the fair maiden in distress.” He winked as Yuuri groaned.

“I'm telling Minako that you called her a 'fair maiden'”

“Minako loves me”

“Everyone loves you”

The adoring eye contact and good natured bickering was derailing the interview. Seung Gil used his experienced journalist skills, clearing his throat audibly. The pair startled, as though they'd forgotten he was there, and then turned back to him. “No golden good either?” He inquired.

Victor laughed and Yuuri, unaccountably, blushed. “I came by my money honestly,” Victor said, “no magic waterfowl involved. I invested in a business venture with my friend Chris. A little entertainment establishment called . . . “

“The Golden Goose,” Yuuri groaned. “I'd run out of cash chasing a scam artist that didn't exist (which is what I get for trusting the directions of Minami of all people.) I picked up a job in a bar . . .”

“Where you swept me off my feet entirely.” Victor concluded.

“Makkachin swept you off your feet. It's not my fault you were distracted and let her tangle you in her leash.”

“Distracted by YOUR pole dancing.” Victor countered, smug.

Seung Gil was not imagining pole dancing. He was definitely not imagining Yuuri pole dancing with a tangled Victor prone at his feet. Seung Gil was a professional. The trickle of sweat down the back of his neck was unrelated.

Yuuri buried his face in both hands this time, shaking a little in laughter. “Chris said they didn't need another bartender! I was desperate.”

“Best decision Chris ever made.” Victor beamed, “Yuuri was finally in one place long enough for a message from home to catch up to him.”

“And I headed home in disgrace, but with a devastatingly handsome shadow.” Yuuri turned to look passionately up at his partner.

“Hmm. I wasn't letting you get away.” Victor cooed. 

“Clearly” Yuuri stole a kiss. 

Seung Gil watched another doting look that could melt icebergs. There was probably nothing to salvage of this story for his news room. Some 'hot tip'. Experienced journalists should know better than to follow leads from some online blogger, no matter how popular this 'Phichit' was. 

Still . . . giant, castle, beans, goose . . . “What about the talking harp? The story I heard involved a cursed musical instrument that played itself?”

Before either man could respond (or throw off the fog of fascination with each other) the cottage door slammed open. A scowling teen and panting poodle entered, the poodle immediately heading to a dish of water where it slurped noisily. The teen glared at the room through silky blond hair that slid forward across his eyes.

“I did the stupid dishes. I walked the damned dog. Now I'm going to band practice at Otabek's and you can't stop me!” Grabbing a leopard print guitar case from next to the door, the teen stormed out. The door crashed shut behind him. 

Seung Gil turned back to the bemused pair of interviewees. 

“That was Victor's cousin, Yurio,” Yuuri began, “He's not exactly cursed . . .”

Victor gleefully added, “He does do a lot of harping about the necessity of dishwashing, the horror of temporarily cohabitating with his cousin, and the general unfairness of life.”

“But we can't vouch for any singing ability.”

“Or musical ability,”

“He mostly sounds like a wet cat.”

“I told you he should have tried percussion. He'd like hitting things.”

The sentence finishing and general snuggle-prone atmosphere was worsening. There was no hope. Seung Gil dispassionately thanked the pair, but wasn't sure if they noticed as he left. 'Sickeningly sweet couple takes in angsty teen after remarkable meet-cute' was not a story for a distinguished news room and experienced, professional journalist. 

Seung Gil shook his head, heading out to the next location on his list of leads. Only a few miles away was a self-made king known as 'JJ', who conquered without use of military or assassination. There had to be a story there.

**Author's Note:**

> Jack and the Beanstalk is a fun fairy tale to retell because the details are so weird. Also, the original features a hero who breaks into someone's home, steals from them, and then kills them during the getaway. I think only the original Puss in Boots has such criminal heroic behavior.


End file.
